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Friday, January 6, 2017

Another ending

I had a dream 2 or 3 nights ago that the farmhouse burnt down. I awoke and shuddered and prayed that it would never happen. This afternoon I went in town,gone for an hour and a half. When I got back, the house was in flames, just as in my dream. I tried to save my dog, Zoë, but he blast of heat was so severe that it drove me back within seconds. I tried the other door, same result.  The only thing I accomplished was a backdraft and quicker fire.
The house is gone, my dog is gone, everything is gone. All my mother's things, everything I owned, gone. All gone. ll of it was just stuff. Except for Zoë, my beautiful Zoë. And now most of the pictures I had of her are gone, too, except for the few I had in the cloud.

As I sit here, 4+ hours after the fact, I'm only now shedding tears, as the numbness wears off. O nce the firetrucks left, it seemed I stopped holding my breath, and then it got real.
What is real?  Is anything real?  Do you see the same things I see? Do we see through the same eyes?  If I could just turn back the clock, if I could have gotten home maybe 45 minutes or even half an hour earlier, if I had let Zoë come with me. If, if, if...  None of it's real.  Only the moment, and even that isn't real.  Today is just a bad dream.  Tomorrow will be better.
When I got to my son's house, I saw the picture of Christ in the garden of Gethsemene, that I had hung there so long ago, and I thought, "I haven't suffered as He suffered.  I'll be okay."


  1. I'm so sorry for your loss Joy!! Better things will come to you. Sending prayers, hugs and support from far away. Cindy

  2. Please let us help in any way we can! So sorry to hear this!

  3. Joy I am so heartbroken for you :'( I am so very sorry.

  4. Joy, I just found out about the fire.
    I am so sorry.


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